How to Win Friends and Influence People Book Summary
The Only Book You Need to Lead You to Success
Book by Dale Carnegie
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Summary
How to Win Friends and Influence People is a timeless guide that teaches you how to handle people, manage relationships, and navigate complex social situations with grace, tact, and sincere appreciation for others, so that you can achieve your maximum potential in both your personal and professional life.
1. Fundamental Techniques
Don't Criticize, Condemn or Complain
Carnegie argues that criticism is futile because it puts a person on the defensive and usually makes them strive to justify themselves. It is dangerous, because it wounds a person's precious pride, hurts their sense of importance, and arouses resentment. Even if you are right, you only make the other person want to strike back rather than change their mind.
Instead of condemning people, try to understand them. Try to figure out why they do what they do. That's a lot more profitable and intriguing than criticism; and it breeds sympathy, tolerance and kindness.
Section: 1, Chapter: 1
Lincoln's Letter Reprimanding General Meade After The Battle of Gettysburg
After the Union victory at Gettysburg, Lincoln was furious that General Meade did not pursue the decimated Confederate army and potentially end the Civil War. He wrote a scathing letter reprimanding Meade. But once written, he tucked it away and never sent it, realizing that it would relieve his feelings but make Meade try to justify himself and potentially lose his effectiveness as a commander. It was a lesson in the futility of criticism that Lincoln never forgot.
Section: 1, Chapter: 1
The Secret To Influence Is Arousing An Eager Want In The Other Person
The only way to influence other people is to talk about what they want and show them how to get it. Every act you have ever performed since the day you were born was performed because you wanted something.
Dr. Dewey said that the deepest urge in human nature is "the desire to be important." If you tell me how you get your feeling of importance, I'll tell you what you are. That is the most significant thing about you.
Section: 1, Chapter: 2
First, Arouse In The Other Person An Eager Want
"First, Arouse In The Other Person An Eager Want. He Who Can Do This Holds The World With Him"
Remember these key points in influencing others:
- The only way to influence people is to talk in terms of what the other person wants
- The deepest craving in human nature is the desire to be important and appreciated
- If you can arouse an eager want in a person and show them how to satisfy it, you hold the key to influencing their actions
- Before you speak, pause and ask yourself: "How can I make this person want to do it?"
Section: 1, Chapter: 3
If There Is Any One Secret Of Success
To effectively persuade and influence others:
- Don't criticize, condemn, or complain. That only breeds resentment.
- Give honest and sincere appreciation.
- Arouse in the other person an eager want by talking in terms of their wants and needs, not yours.
- Try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view. "If there is any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other person's point of view and see things from that person's angle as well as from your own."
Section: 1, Chapter: 3
2. Six Ways To Make People Like You
Six Ways To Make People Like You
In summary, the six ways to make people like you are:
- Become genuinely interested in other people.
- Smile.
- Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
- Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
- Talk in terms of the other person's interests.
- Make the other person feel important - and do it sincerely
Section: 2, Chapter: 1
Become Genuinely Interested In Other People
The key to making people like you is to show genuine interest in them. Greet people with animation and enthusiasm. Say hello to people you pass. Ask questions that the other person will enjoy answering.
Encourage them to talk about themselves and their accomplishments. Remember that the people you are talking to are a hundred times more interested in themselves and their wants and problems than they are in you and your problems.
Section: 2, Chapter: 1
Who Has The Greatest Difficulties In Life
"It is the individual who is not interested in his fellow men who has the greatest difficulties in life and provides the greatest injury to others. It is from among such individuals that all human failures spring."
Section: 2, Chapter: 1
Smile
Your smile is a messenger of your goodwill. Here are some key points about smiling:
- Smile even when on the phone. It comes through in your voice.
- If you don't feel like smiling, force yourself to smile. Act as if you were already happy, and that will tend to make you happy.
- Your smile is a subtle way of saying "I like you. You make me happy. I am glad to see you."
- Most people smile fewer than 20 times per day. Increase that to over 50.
- Make a conscious effort to put a smile on your face in every interaction.
Section: 2, Chapter: 2
The Sweetest Sound In Any Language Is A Person's Own Name
The name sets the individual apart and makes him or her unique among all others. The information we are imparting or the request we are making takes on a special importance when we approach the situation with the name of the individual.
People love their names so much that they will often donate large amounts of money just to have a building named after themselves. Jim Farley, one of the master politicians of all time, recalled that it was his ability to recall over 50,000 people's first names that transformed him from a small town businessman to a national political figure.
Section: 2, Chapter: 3
Be A Good Listener And Encourage Others To Talk About Themselves
To be interesting, be interested. Ask questions that the other person will enjoy answering. Encourage them to talk about themselves and their accomplishments. Listen intently and give your undivided attention.
Never interrupt. Let the other person do a great deal of the talking. If you want to influence or impress someone, get them talking about something they are passionate about and listen with sincere interest. Carnegie quotes Sigmund Freud who said, "This is the only way to get the best of an argument – avoid it. Agree with them." Don't argue or try to speak. Just listen and they will like you more.
Section: 2, Chapter: 4
3. How To Win People To Your Way of Thinking
4. Be a Leader
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