Lean In Book Summary

From a young age, girls absorb the message that they should strive to be compliant, quiet, and helpful. Boys, in contrast, are expected to be strong, confident leaders. These gendered expectations carry into adulthood and the workplace.

To break free, women must become more aware of the power of these ingrained expectations. Actively replace thoughts of "I'm not ready" with "I want to do that." Practice raising your hand in meetings and stating opinions confidently. Shift your thinking from "I'm lucky to have this job" to "I've earned this opportunity." Simply being aware is the first step to shedding limiting gender norms.

Section: 1, Chapter: 1

Many ambitious young women start limiting their careers, often subconsciously, years before having children. They turn down big projects, don't apply for promotions, and select careers with more flexibility - all to accommodate family demands they don't yet have. This is a mistake.

Sandberg advises women to go full force in their careers in their 20s and early 30s. When you eventually have children, make that decision with your full earning and advancement potential. Pursue every opportunity until a major life change is imminent. Don't make sacrifices prematurely for a hypothetical future. Your options will be better if you've achieved more in the meantime.

Section: 1, Chapter: 1

The most important career decision a woman makes is who she chooses as a life partner. An equal, supportive partner at home makes all the difference in a woman's ability to follow her ambitions at work. Before committing to someone, look for indicators that they will actively support your career and share the load at home. Do they encourage you to take risks and reach for opportunities? Do they believe in equally dividing housework and childcare? The right life partner is a true equal and a critical ingredient to "leaning in."

Section: 1, Chapter: 1

Fear is the root of so many barriers for women. Fear of not being liked, of making the wrong choice, of drawing negative attention, of overreaching, of being judged. To combat this fear, practice identifying it and moving forward anyway:

• Ask yourself "What would I do if I wasn't afraid?" Then find a way to do it.
• When you feel nervous about contributing in a meeting, push yourself to speak up early.
• When you're afraid to take on a challenging assignment, imagine yourself rising to the occasion. Ignoring fear doesn't make it go away, but facing it head on can lessen its power over your choices.

Section: 1, Chapter: 2

Given the social penalties for successful, assertive women, many feel pressure to mute their accomplishments to be liked. But downplaying achievements at work doesn't serve anyone. Instead, women must master the "balancing act":

• When sharing a success, give credit to the team as well as claiming it for yourself ("I'm so proud of what we accomplished together").
• When asserting an opinion, do it with a smile and a friendly, collaborative tone.
• When negotiating, emphasize your communal motivations ("A raise will allow me to better provide for my family").
• When criticized, respond graciously ("I appreciate you taking the time to give me that feedback"). The goal is to find an authentic way to fulfill your potential without triggering the dislike that assertive women face.

Section: 1, Chapter: 3

One subtle way women downplay achievements is through qualifying language:

• "I don't know if this is quite right, but..."
• "This might be a stupid question, but..."
• "I'm just lucky to have had the chance..."

Strip qualifiers out of your speech. State your ideas without apologies or hedging. Accept compliments with a simple "thank you." Choose words that fully own your contributions and abilities.

Section: 1, Chapter: 3